


What I Wouldn't Give

by iCrownTheeWorthy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Brainwashing, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Sensitivity, Force Use, Force-Sensitive Reader, Mind Manipulation, My First AO3 Post, Past Relationship(s), Reader Needs a Hug, Reader is Royalty, Romance, Slow Burn, Tag As I Go, The Force Ships It, Violence, lots of flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2020-10-04 14:42:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20472734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iCrownTheeWorthy/pseuds/iCrownTheeWorthy
Summary: Hello people! This is my first work. Any constructive criticism is welcome with open arms. Thank you for taking time to read my story, please let me know what you think :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people! This is my first work. Any constructive criticism is welcome with open arms. Thank you for taking time to read my story, please let me know what you think :)

The cantina was loud, as usual, with the sounds and hollers of those who’ve had three too many drinks past their limit. You sat in the midst of the noise, quiet, listening to the drunken fools you’ve become acquaintances with make even more fools of themselves. You would chime in with a laugh and a smile when called for, too preoccupied with your own thoughts and the fruity sparkling drink in your hands. Non-alcoholic this time, you needed to keep your head clear. Your head perked up when the bartender addressed you directly.

“So Traveler, how long ya been here for now?” His dark eyes were focused on you as his six arms were focused on other tasks. It was mesmerizing watching him work. One pair of arms were cleaning, another preparing a drink, and the other sliding more drinks down the bar.

“Almost three months I believe,” you answered as you adjusted your cloak hood, “getting sick of me already, B’joonor?”

“Nah, kid, I enjoy havin’ ya ‘round.” B’joonor slid you another one of those fruity drinks he knew you liked as he laughed at your banter. You gladly accepted the offer and took a long drink. “It’s nice having someone to balance out those idiots.”

One of his free hands gestured to the obnoxious group of what looked to be pilots and bounty hunters playing some game you’ve never seen. You smirked as they let out incoherent, drunken yells.

“Yeah…” You looked back down to your drink and played with the rim of your glass.

There was a pause. B’joonor studied you as he cleaned a plate. “So, when ya gotta leave?” He asked.

Your eyes peered up at him and met his. You could tell his expression was solemn and his voice held a tone of concern. You sighed and tied to focus on the bubbles in your drink.

“Soon.”

“Soon? How soon is soon, kid?”

“I’m not sure. I’m waiting for the right time…”

“Hmm..” He paused, looked around and lowered his voice and gave you a wink. “Are ya in danger, kid?”

You let out a small chuckle, “Not that I know of.” You could feel that lie slip right through your teeth.

B’joonor’s attention was divided when a loud commotion erupted at the end of the bar. Both of your heads whipped around to see a fight broken out between two patrons from the group before. B’joonor cursed in his native tongue and abandoned the tasks he had in his hands to go break up the fight. In those split seconds you chugged down the remainder of your drink, set down money for B’joonor on the countertop, and exited the cantina silently as the length of your cape followed.

The walk back to your personal sanctuary in the woods was quiet. Once you were out of the busy part of the city and knew no one was following you, you felt more at ease and lowered the hood of your cape and let out a deep sigh. You let The Force guide you back to your small, camouflaged ship and camping grounds. This had been home for almost three months. Your ship, luckily enough, was big enough to provide shelter and a place to sleep. The scenery of the lush green forest and vast amount of trees began to bring you peace as time went by. There was a small pond and waterfall nearby to wash yourself and the few pairs of clothing you had. It wasn’t much, but it was home for now.

You typically didn’t stay in one area for more than a month. Convincing those you meet that you are a traveler has made your circumstances less suspicious. If you weren’t careful enough, you sometimes even convinced yourself you are nothing more than a traveler instead of a girl who needs to hide. You’ve always been overly cautious. You never gave anyone your real name; often going by different names or just simply “Traveler.” Not many people questioned you regarding your circumstances, not many seemed to mind. You were thankful it has been that way for nearly 10 years. You always were doing odd jobs to pay for necessities, keeping your head down, not causing any trouble, and rarely asking questions. When you felt The Force nudge you to leave an area, you would leave without a trace.

You curled up in the makeshift bed in your ship and stared blankly at the skylight overhead. You could see the leaves on the tall trees slightly shiver in the breeze and the night sky illuminated by two moons and countless stars. There was a gentle tug in the back of your mind that you quickly pushed away. A start of a headache maybe. You tried to count the stars as your eyes closed and your mind drifted to sleep. 133. There were at least 133 stars in the sky.

***

_Red. Orange. Strikes of blue and green. _

_Red. Orange. Strikes of blue and green. _

_Your vision becomes clearer and you are standing in the place you wish you could forget. The Temple. The one place you’ve tried to force yourself to forget, repress any memory in the far corners of your mind. You’re standing in the common ground alone. Silence. You look around, however unable to move your feet, and see huts and the temple outlined by the moonlight. It’s peaceful. _

_“No this can’t be right,” you think. _

_Still frozen to your spot you see your Master walk into a hut farther in the distance. Moments pass by and green and blue illuminate in the hut, your pulse races and sweat begins to bead on your skin. You know what’s coming next. The hut collapses on itself as you scream out. You fall to your knees and cry into the dirt beneath you. As you look up again your entire surroundings are consumed by red and orange flames. You are consumed with fear, anguish, hatred, confusion, pain, loss. Loss. _

_You scream out your Master’s name, the name of your once friends. You run to the nearest hut to try and look for survivors, just one would be enough. Before you can reach the hut, the image changes. What’s left of the hut is ash, and the individual inside the hut, a friend, is nothing but bone. Your stomach lurches at the sight. The reminiscent smell of burning flesh and wood penetrates through you. You look around and the sight before you was even more gruesome than the previous. A pile of people, parts. People you once loved, gone. _

_Behind you there is a yell. That yell sounds familiar, you’re almost relieved. That brief feeling of relief is gone in a matter of seconds as you turn to see your closest friend, Ben, kneeling in front of a large figure in a sinister looking mask. A monster in a mask. The large figure holds out their hand toward Ben. Ben’s hands go to his neck, clawing at the invisible force choking him. You run in what feels like slow motion, hand reaching towards your waistband for your lightsaber. _

_“BEN!” You yell. _

_Both heads rapidly turn towards you. Ben’s face looks at you pleading to run away, the mask is emotionless. Suddenly you’re frozen again, lightsaber hilt skidding across the ground away from you. The monster in the mask draws their weapon and ignites it. Revealed is an angry red lightsaber. _

_“A lightsaber? No!” You screamed in your mind, struggling against the invisible grip. _

_The monster raises the lightsaber, about to strike down. Yours’s and Ben’s eyes meet, both in tears. All is quiet as the red lightsaber strikes down. There’s a high pitched ringing as you see your friend’s lifeless body fall to the ground. _

_You scream out as tears run down your face, “BEN!!!”_


	2. Chapter 2

_Soon, Y/N. _

“BEN!!!” You jolted awake, beads of sweat collected on your forehead as the sheet you covered yourself with clung to your body.

You shivered as the cool morning air hit your skin. Hugging yourself, you take in your surroundings. Everything looks to be in its place. You lay back down in your bed and stare blankly. After a few moments of collecting your thoughts and taking a deep breath you decide it would be best to start your day and begin preparing your ship. You groan as you sit up and stretch your back.

You decide to begin your morning with washing your face in the pond nearby. As you kneel down at the edge of the pond you stare at your reflection in the clear water. You notice your face has gotten slightly thinner and dark circles developing under your eyes. You figured your lack of restful sleep was due to the obscure dreams you’ve had more often as of recently. Those types of dreams were very common in the beginning, now they come in ripples. You splash some water on your face, decide that’s good enough and get dressed to go into town for extra supplies.

You dress in your typical plain attire. You add your belts, harness, and wraps around your arms before you conceal the bottom half of your face with another wrap and throw your cape over your shoulders. You puff up the hood of your cape and make your way through the dense forest and to the market place.

***

You reach the town’s market place and begin looking for the best deals for food to take with you during your travels. You make your way through the crowds, bumping shoulders with other people and creatures also looking for a bargain. You step in line at a stall you have frequented before.

“Six portions and a bag of those fruits over there, as well, please.” The female creature running the stall grabs the items you asked for and you hand her over the currency.

As she counts the coin she asks, “Is that all, Traveler? Doesn’t seem like enough to get you through the week.”

“I just need enough for a few days. Thank you, though.”

She waves you off and calls for the next person in line. You take a fruit from the bag and take a bite. You look around and reminisce, thinking back to when you first arrived on this beautiful planet. You stand in line at another stall selling different fruits and vegetables native to this land. A few more people file in behind you and you can’t help but overhear their conversation. They were talking loudly anyways.

“How many ships did you see fly in last night?” One of them asked their companion. This voice sounded rough enough to be native.

“Not sure,” the companion said. This voice was rough, as well, yet feminine. “Didn’t seem like enough to be worried about. I only saw a couple small trading ships and a smug looking black ship. Sleek, even.”

“Gah, blast them. It’s been years since we’ve had to deal with those First Order clowns. What could they possibly need from us, we haven’t been causing any prob-“

“Shhh, J’odiner.” The feminine shushed her companion and lowered her voice.

“What? I’m just messing around.” The masculine voice lowered, “Besides, for all we know, their precious ‘Supreme Leader,’ or whatever, could just be craving some of our exotic fruits and they’ll be on their merry way come morning.”

_Stars, this line needs to move. _You start tapping your toe and biting your lip. This discovery was the last thing you needed right now.

“No, dear, it seems a bit more serious than that.” The feminine voice lowered once more. “Troopers have been patrolling the town and forests just north. What do you think-?”

“I don’t know, but I feel sorry for whatever, or whoever it is.” The masculine voice let out a laugh.

Suddenly you were being tapped on the shoulders. “Miss?”

You whipped your head around to meet the eyes of the two that were talking behind you.

“It’s your turn.” The masculine figure gestured to the stall in front of you. You must have spaced out. You looked at the merchant and back at the couple. You prayed to the Force your eyes didn’t show the fear you felt.

“I’m sorry,” You blink a couple times. “I think I’m in the wrong line. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

You duck your head and make your way out of the crowd as calmly as you can muster. You feel as if all eyes are locked on you, a target. Your footsteps begin to quicken as you make your way into an alley. You press your back against a stone wall of one of the surrounding buildings and try to pace your breathing. Your camp was in the southern forest.

_I might have enough time, _you think.

You take another breath and make your way out of the alley and in the direction of your camp. Keeping your face wrap on and hood up, you slowly and quietly make your way through the thick shrub and tall trees. Sneaking through the dense forest, you can feel you are nearing your ship. You close your eyes and reach out with the Force to detect any abnormal lifeforms. Nothing abnormal so far. You continue on.

As you approach your camp site, nearly 30 yards away, you suddenly notice two figures in stark white armor quickly approaching where your ship is camouflaged. _Stormtroopers!_

“You there! Halt!” They raise their blasters at you and begin to approach.

“Hands behind your head!” The other shouted. Their voices sounding mechanical with their masks on.

_Stars, how typical._ You fight the urge to roll your eyes. 

You comply and slowly raise your hands behind your head and stand your ground.

You were too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ooohhh. You're in some deep doodoo now!  
But don't worry, I didn't think you would go without putting up a fight ;)  
Prepare yourself for some action (and violence/gore) in the next chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments! Thank you for reading. - Crown


	3. Chapter 3

Inhale.

Exhale.

The Stormtroopers slowly approach you with their blasters drawn. Your hands are behind your head and you tilt your head down to look at the ground and shield what can be seen of your face with your hood. You are all too aware of each of the Stormtroopers’ steps of caution and the twigs that are being crushed beneath their boots. You are all too aware of the thoughts that are racing through their heads like clockwork. Each step they take and every word that comes from their mouth has been engraved in their brain; routine and protocol. You wonder if they ever sound like a broken record to each other. 

With your eyes closed you use the Force to detect where they are and their next possible movements. They're easy to read, predictable even. You sense one of them is about to speak, they're about thirty feet in front if you now. 

"Give us your name and what business you have on this planet." 

You remain silent. You try to make it seem like you are too intimidated to answer the question right away. 

"Give us an answer or we will not hesitate to-" You can feel them take another step.

You keep your head down. "P-please. I d-don't mean any harm. My ship broke down and I-I-I was looking for someone to repair it." 

"That doesn't answer our ques-"

"I'm so glad you found me! I was hoping I wouldn't have to rely on a Resistance sympathizer." You glance up at them. 

"You are a supporter of the First Order?" One of them asks.

"With everything I am," Lies. "I was on my way to make a delivery when my ship broke down and I had to make an emergency landing." 

They lowered their weapons at your "confession." Their stance and thought process seemed to become more relaxed. 

"Well then," the other chimes, "we would be honored to help a fellow supporter of the Order. Please lead us to your ship." 

"Thank you so much." You gesture for them to follow you adjacent to where your ship is camouflaged.

_Stars, that was too easy. Idiots. _

You lead them to another part of the forest away from civilization. This area has more boulders that the previous. You stop and let out a sigh.

“I’m so sorry. I think I have lost my way. This forest all begins to look the same…” You let out what is meant to be a distressed sigh.

“It is not an issue, madam. We can send out a distress signal and have the rest of our squad come and help us.” The Stormtrooper turns to his colleague begins to reach for a device.

With your back still turned away from the Stormtroopers you reach down to the blaster holsters that are on both of your thighs. “That won’t be necessary.”

You take the blaster in your right hand and swing behind you, effortlessly hitting the Stormtrooper to the right behind you square in the helmet. He stumbles and falls to the ground as you cross your left arm and blaster over your right and aim at the other trooper. He dodges but you are able to graze his shoulder with the blaster shot. You can hear him groan as he rolls into cover behind a large tree trunk. You also run to cover behind a boulder.

You go to peak out and barely miss a blaster shot to the head. You exchange a few shots with the trooper behind the tree. When you see him let his guard down for a split second to look at his recovering peer, you shoot him in the chest. You hear his body to limp and fall to the forest floor.

The other trooper begins to charge at you with his blaster aimed at you. You run around the boulder and shoot at his blaster, disarming him from behind. You holster your blasters and prepare for hand-to-hand combat. At least you’re being fair.

The Stormtrooper delivers the first swing and you easily dodge. To counter, you jab your knee into his stomach and he grunts. He takes your elbow and twists it awkwardly behind your back and you groan and grit your teeth. He then puts you in a chokehold, but you are fast to flip him over you and knock the wind out of him. You quickly manage to wrap your legs around his neck and squeeze hard enough to cut off his airway. The trooper claws at your legs and you reach for one of your blasters and shoot down through his helmet. His body slumps and your legs loosen their hold.

You scoot away from the trooper and lean against a tree to catch your breath. You can feel your heart racing and mind becoming fuzzy. It’s been some time since you’ve had to engage in any sort of combat.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You look at both of the Stormtroopers bodies that lay on the forest floor. A few yards away you notice a body of water that appears to be deep. You stand. Taking one more breath you look at the bodies again and outstretch your hands before them. With the help of the Force you are able to lift the two bodies and gently send them deep into the peaceful waters.

“You both fought well,” you say softly as you watch their bodies disappear in the dark waters. “May the Force be with you.”

After a few moments of silence, you turn to make your way back to your camp. It’s time to move, and it’s time to move now. 

***

Back at your camp you hurriedly make final preparations for your departure. All systems are online. All food is stored. No trail for you to potentially be tracked from is apparent. All of your belongings are in pla- Wait.

You go around to the storage compartment at the back of your ship and open it. Something was missing, you could feel it. You frantically search the compartment. You double check, and triple check, yet the item is nowhere in sight. You can feel tears begin to well up in your eyes as you try and back track where you might have seen your most prized possession.

_No, no, NO! It was here! I know it was. I didn’t even take it out. It couldn’t have just walked off! Think, Y/N, think! _

“Looking for something?” A deep robotic voice came from behind you. It sent chills down your spine as you slowly straightened up.

You were hesitant to turn around, dreading that what you would see would confirm the fear that is pumping through your veins. The voice that’s been haunting you for the past 10 years.

“No, not just something.” You could feel the figure move from behind a large tree and take a few slow steps towards you. You felt like a mouse cornered by a cat. Predator and prey.

You slowly rested your hand on the blaster at your thigh, afraid of making any sudden movements.

“You were looking for this.”

You gulped and slowly angled your body to look behind you. What you saw made your blood run cold.

What you saw was the tall figure dressed in black that haunted your dreams. What you saw was that same sinister mask that stared deep into your soul. The monster in the mask had found you.

And what made these matters worse was that the monster in the mask was holding the hilt of your light saber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy! We finally get to introduce Kylo! Please let me know what you think in the comments. The next chapter will be an interesting one ;) Thank you for reading!  
-Crown


	4. Chapter 4

Your mind was going into overdrive. Questions raced a mile a minute as you stood frozen before the figure (man?) in black. How and why the monster hasn’t killed you yet is probably the biggest surprise. You stare at the lifeless helmet, trying to get a read on the figure before you. But you can’t. Unlike the Stormtroopers from before this opponent is void, unreadable, unpredictable. Your palms begin to sweat. You haven’t encountered someone like this before, and it terrified you.

Despite your better judgement, partially not knowing what other move to make, you whip out your blaster aim it at the cloaked figure. The monster lets out an amused scoff.

_Shit, shit, shit._

“You’re surprised.” The figure said, the mask tilts to the side as he mindlessly handling your light saber hilt.

“How did you find my ship?” You continue to aim true. Your voice attempting to sound much stronger than it is. “How did you get that?”

“I have my ways.” He was just toying with you now.

“I’m the only one who can open that compartment. How did you get it?” Each syllable seethes through your teeth. You grip the handle of your blaster tighter.

“You’re not the only one who can use the Force. Have you forgotten that Y/N?”

How in the stars did this creature know your name? Your eyes widen and you can hear your heartbeat through your ears. This must truly be your demise.

“Who are you?” The creature ignores your question.

“If you want it back so badly, then here, take it,” The figure tosses your light saber to your stunned form and you catch it in your empty hand. “Besides, I want to see if you still know how to use it, _Jedi_.”

The last word the creature spoke was in a tone of pure hatred. You could feel it pouring out of him; dark and powerful energy flowed within him. The figure shifted his position into a defensive stance and ignited his own light saber at his side. The same angry red saber from your dreams crackled and roared.

You stand there confused as to what your next move should be. In a split moment the figure made a small gesture with his hand and disarmed you of your blaster, sending it too far away for you to reach it any time soon.

“What are you waiting for?!” You hear a robotic yell come from the mask. “Ignite it!”

You look down and look at the intricate details of your light saber hilt. You’ve always found it beautiful. But since you’ve left the academy the weapon has become nothing more than a trinket. You would take it out from time to time to sharpen your skill, but even those occurrences where becoming few and far between.

You look back at the figure still in his defensive position and take a deep breath as you ignite your light saber at your side. The double blades of your light saber illuminate white. You can feel the power of the crystals serge through your body.

“Good.” The mask says.

The next second he is lunging towards you. A guttural war cry resounds from the mask. His light saber swinging from the side and you dodge his attack. You roll to the side and avoid another swing. You stand as the figure stalks toward you again. You feel time slow down as your mind recalls your time at the academy and what your body once naturally knew.

You decide in that moment that today was not going to be your last. Something inside you triggers. Standing to your feet you get into your defensive position. You remove your cloak and throw it to the side, the bottom half of your face still hidden underneath the wraps. Your hair already coming loose from its ties. If it’s a fight the monster wants, it’s a fight he is going to get. You and the figure stare at each other for a moment, both of your breathing already heavy. 

You both take a step towards one another. You elegantly spin your light saber in figure eights as you and your opponent circle each other. Your opponent spins his lightsaber before he makes the first strike. Red and white clash as the two of you block and strike in what would look like a beautiful dance. Your movements are light and fluid. The creature’s movement are rash yet coordinated as his light saber hits the surrounding terrain.

Both light sabers clash as you and your opponent struggle to thrown the other off. At such a close proximity you are finally able to grasp just how tall and broad the figure is. His frame easily consumes yours. You both struggle and let out strained grunts. He’s starting to overpower you and you can feel your knees begin to lower to the dirt floor.

“The Jedi have always been weak!” The mask says. “Admit it!”

You grunt as you continue to push up against him. Your breathing becomes heavy.

“I am no Jedi.”

You feel the slightest falter in your opponent’s stance. You use that to your advantage as you use the Force and extend your hand to push him away. He grunts from the impact as he is forcefully pushed back away from you, now he is the one kneeling. The distance and his state give you enough time to recover your stance and breathe. You stand rooted. Your light saber crackling beside you as your hand continues to be outstretched towards your opponent.

Your opponent catches his breath and begins to pound on the area you hit him with the Force. You stare at him confused by his actions and he begins to stand and regain his composure. He stands to his full height. 

Another amused scoff comes from the mask. “So be it.”

With the wave of his hand a tree beside you begins to fall in your direction. You react and roll in the opposite direction just before it makes contact with the ground.

_What the hell?! _You glance where the tree now lies.

You here the breaking of branches in your opponents direction. You look and see branches and twigs of multiple sizes floating beside the creature as his hand is outstretched towards you. With another gesture the branches start propelling towards you. You use your light saber to block and incinerate them.

One sharp stick manages to slice through the wraps covering your face and make a superficial cut on your left cheek. You can feel a small drip of blood run down your cheek as the wrap hangs loose. You let out a frustrated growl and rip the remainder of your wrap off.

“That’s cheap!” You yell. You wipe away the blood on with the back of your wrapped hand. “You can’t hide behind the Force!”

The next thing you knew was you were being propelled into a nearby tree. Your back and the back of your head collides with the sharp tree bark, you groan and feel winded. You try to move, but your body is only forces harder into the tree. Your hands fly above your head against your will as your light saber is forced out of your grasp.

_Damnit!_

The black figure catches your light saber, attaches it to its belt, and stalks its way toward you. You try to struggle against the invisible hold. The monster in the mask makes its way in front of your figure. His red light saber is ignited again as it’s lifted to your throat. You glare at the mask as it lowers down in front of your face a mere inch away. You can feel your heart in your throat. You can’t get a good read on your opponent at all, but it seems as if the mask is studying you.

“I do not hide behind the Force.” You can feel the frustration radiating off his body and in the robotic voice. “The Force was merely my pawn in this little game.” 

It was your turn to let out a scoff. “Game. You’re sick.”

The mask tilts slightly to the side.

“Hmm. You’ll see.”

The figure raises a gloved hand to your head. But before you can comprehend what its doing your mind goes black and your body becomes limp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for light saber battles! I was debating whether or not I wanted to have the reader wield a double bladed light saber, but I'm glad I did! I feel like they're not used much and I wanted to do something (hopefully) different. Please let me know what you think!  
-Crown


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update! Work and personal life got a little crazy this week. Enjoy!  
-Crown

Kylo caught your body when you became limp. His arms support your frame. His hand that was once outstretched is now has the slightest tremble as it gently caresses the side of your face, his touch was as light as a feather. He was afraid as if you would disappear or evaporate into thin air. He couldn’t believe you were real; that you were still alive.

As quickly as his hand was on your cheek, it was gone. His mind returning to the objective at hand.

He spoke through his intercom to the crew on his ship. “Prepare to return to the Finalizer. I have the girl.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Kylo picked you up in his arms as if you weighed nothing and headed back to his ship and the ones who accompanied it. He stole another glance at your resting face and was able to make up the fine details of your face up close. He can tell the years of being on the run has taken a toll on your body and wellbeing. He could see the dark circles under your eyes from the lack of restful sleep and probably not eating as well as you should be. 

Kylo’s ship was ready to launch upon his arrival. Once aboard Kylo brought you, still in your unconscious state, to a holding cell and gently placed laid you down on the provided cot. He stood slowly and stared at you for another moment to check your breathing. He figured you would be asleep for at least the entire journey back to the Finalizer. Before Kylo could be interrupted he turned on his heel and left your sleeping form.

***

_“Ouch! Take it easy, Ben!” You scolded your sparring partner. He had just landed a potentially fatal blow to your side had you been sparring with real weapons and not wooden sabers. _

_He laughed. “I am taking it easy. You just need to keep up!” _

_Ben teasing you fueled your drive to spar once again. The two of you held a long duel until Ben got the upper hand and eventually disarmed you of your fake weapon. You let out a groan in frustration. _

_“How am I ever going to beat you?!” You sat down on the dirt floor and dug the heel of your hands into your forehead. You could feel Ben come and sit next to you. “You’re bigger than me, stronger than me, taller than m-“_

_“I’m pretty sure most people are taller than you Y/N.” _

_You shot Ben a look that only widened the smirk on his face. Oh, how you wished you could punch that look off his face. _

_“You get my point Ben.” You sit up and sigh in defeat. “If I can’t beat you in practice training, how am I supposed to beat the enemy in a real fight?” _

_Ben sat there for a moment and thought about his answer. _

_“What if you used your size to your advantage?” Your head perked up as Ben continued. “Think about it, you’re everything I’m not when it comes to fighting. You’re quick and elegant. You’re size doesn’t mean that you’re weak, you just need to find that fighting style that highlights those strengths.”_

_Your eyes widen at Ben’s advice, as rare as it is. Ben pauses and then stands._

_“Wait here.”_

_A couple minutes pass by and you stand in place. You kick at the dirt beneath your feet and look up as you hear Ben’s footsteps approaching. You see him wearing a smug smirk on his face as he holds a staff. The staffs generally go untouched in the temple since everyone learns single handed saber training first, they aren’t nearly as popular. You know your face must have a look of confusion written all over it._

_“Catch.” Ben throws the staff in your direction when he is close enough to you. You catch it and examine it. _

_“Ben, what do you expect me to accomplish with this?” You give him a look of disbelief. _

_“Just trust me. Try it out.” _

_You sigh and weigh the staff in your hands. You begin to twirl the staff in your hands slowly, hitting your legs a few times and cursing under your breath. Ben stands back, crosses his arms, and watches your movements. They start becoming more comfortable and faster. Within minutes you are able to effectively maneuver the staff and your body as one unit. You look up at Ben with a smile, unable to process how good and fluid you felt._

_Ben gave you a soft smile, picked up his wooden saber, and got in his offensive positon. “I told you.” _

***

You woke with a jolt. You gasped and coughed as air was rushed to your lungs. You tried to move your hands but found them bound to your sides by metal cuffs, the same was found for your ankles. You appeared to be bound to a table and still standing somewhat upright. The spotlight that was shining on you was blinding upon the first impact of opening your eyes. You tried to look around at your surroundings despite your limited movement and found the room you were in to be relatively bare.

Your eyes shifted when you spotted the slightest movement from in front of you. You hadn’t noticed another presence in the room. With your eyes finally adjusting, you could make out the broad figure sitting before you. They shifted again and peered up at you. It was then when you were finally able to see the silver details of the mask before you. Your heart began to race as your body felt frozen and unable to move. You tried to appear calm as your captor stood and came more into the light, closer to you.

“You’re awake”


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re awake.”

_No bantha shit, I’m awake. _

You glared at the mask in front of you. You didn’t dare speak. You knew you had nothing to say to this monster anyway. You focused on your breathing instead of the figure in front of you. The silence was overwhelming. You wished he would just get on with torturing you or kill you.

“Despite what you wish, I am not here to kill you.”

Your head was forced to look up as your captor began to slowly circle around you. A predator, and you were the prey.

“Then why are you here? A mere traveler is of no importance to the likes of you.” You sharply seethed at the figure in black as he made his way to your front.

He remained silent as he extended his hand to your head. You immediately felt pressure in your head and began to resist. You could tell he was trying to read through your mind like a book. You were able to throw up walls when he tried to reach certain parts of mind. Other parts he was able to push through to. The pressure in your mind turned into pain when he reached an area of your mind that felt vacant and dark. You weren’t even sure what it was. You closed your eyes as he dug deeper, you were incapable of throwing up a wall at this point.

The pressure suddenly stopped, and you felt a light brush against your cheek. You didn’t realize you let out some tears, and you nearly missed the gloved hand that wiped one away.

“You’re correct, a mere traveler is of no importance to the First Order.”

You stare at the figure as the pain in your head dims. He is still difficult to read and determine what his next move is.

The next moment, the figure was kneeling on one knee with him head down. You let out a gasp and the mask look up towards you.

“However, the Lady of House Novastar is.”

Your blood ran cold as a chill ran down your spine. You haven’t heard that name in so long.

“How did yo-“ You stop speaking as you see the man kneeling before you put his hands up to his mask and click a button. There is a hiss from the mask as part of the mouth piece moves and the man lifts his mask off his head. He stands and you are able to see the same brown eyes you were once so familiar with.

You let out a breathy whisper. “Ben.” You didn’t realize you were holding your breath.

His hair is longer than you remembered. His face is more defined, yet the constellations of freckles on his face were all the same. You never expected Ben, your Ben, to look and feel so menacing and full of darkness. You noticed his figure from before, broad and also defined, but something about his aura was unsettling. The man that stood before you now was not the Ben you once knew.

The air around you felt heavy. So many thoughts were racing through your mind, it was difficult to comprehend which one to focus on. You wanted to ask him so many questions, but you didn’t know where to begin. He kept his eyes on you, observing you, as he slowly stood back up. Your eyes wide and locked onto the floor where he just was as you try and control your breathing.

“Ben, wh-“

“Enough with that name.”

Your gaze shot up to meet his. Your brows furrowed. You were about to speak, but he continued.

“The boy you knew is dead. Gone.” His voice was cold and full of hate. “I advise that you forget it.”

Kylo turned to exit the room as he put on his helmet once more. The restraints that held you to the table hissed as they loosened their hold on you. You winced as your knees hit the ground. A trooper that must have been waiting outside the room didn’t give you any time to recover as he bound your wrists together with force-restricting cuffs. Processing the events from the last five minutes was sending your mind into overdrive. How could Ben be “dead” and yet be standing in the same room as you?

You see Kylo give orders to another trooper that was waiting outside the door before he made his retreat.

“You’re wrong!”

You hadn’t realized you spoke that out loud until Kylo stopped in his tracks. He paused and his head turned ever so slightly to look back at you. You glared at that damn helmet, you hated it. Kylo looked at the trooper once more and gave a nod. The two troopers forcefully stood you on your feet and escorted you out of the room and down the long metal hallway of the ship. Kylo still remained with his back towards you, you kept glancing back at him, pleading with your eyes to say something. Your body didn’t have that much energy to fight so you let the troopers escort you way to who knows where.

Kylo remained there for a few minutes. It was silent in the halls, yet he could hear the screams of fear that filled your mind as you were lead away from him. Hands clenched into fists, he was shaking. He looked back into the room where he held you captive. The table that restrained you was taunting him, mocking him. Sick of the image of you looking up at him in fear was enough for him to ignite his lightsaber at his side. He let out a roar and struck the table until there was nothing left of it. He stood there again breathing heavily and attached his lightsaber to his side again. He let out an aggravated huff and stormed out the room. 


	7. Chapter 7

The troopers lead you down multiple halls and a few floors before finally reaching our destination. You passed many other First Order members of various rankings and statuses. One that stood out to youu was a tall figure in a chrome Stormtrooper outfit, a small squadron of troopers followed after them in a neat formation. When you both crossed paths, the chrome helmet’s gaze met mine and they tightened their grip in their blaster.

In a desolate hallway you and the troopers stop in front of a large metal door, the troopers look to me expectantly.

“What?” You asked. You were not in the mood to play guessing games.

“Place your hand on the scanner.” The trooper to your right said.

You look to your right and surely enough there was a scanner on the right side of the door. You place your cuffed hand on the scanner, and it makes a soft beep. The door slides open to your surprise. Whatever room they have brought you to is pitch black. You hesitate to go in. You pause for a moment and scan the room with the Force, trying to detect any immediate threats, but there are none.

“Where are we?” You ask, the tone of your voice is flat and unamused. You hate feeling like you’re being toyed with.

“These are your chambers, m’lady,” the other trooper explained, “Commander Ren wishes to make you feel welcome by offering you the best room we can supply. You are, after all, a guest to the First Or-“

“What is your name?” You interrupt and stare straight into the mask of the trooper to your left.

Without hesitation they answered, “My identification number is FN-2187, m’lady.”

You take a slow inhale through your nose and peer into the eyes of the helmet before you. _What is with these people and helmets? _

“Tell me, FN-2187,” You tilt your head and glare at the helmet, “are all of your so-called ‘guests’ shown the hospitality of being handcuffed upon their arrival?”

You can sense conflict in this trooper. He didn’t know how to respond and was easily caught off guard with your comment. The trooper to your right took hold of your arm and shoved you into the room, lights automatically turned on at our movement. You turn and glare at him.

“Droids will be at your service to aid you in getting dressed and ready. Commander Ren would like me to inform you that the Supreme Leader is expecting to meet you this evening. Another trooper will arrive this evening to escort you.”

With that, the two troopers step away for the door to close. You sigh and turn your attention to the room you were dumped in. The room was simple and vast. It contained a simple furniture and a large bed off to the side. You gulped, it has been so long since you’ve slept in a comfortable bed. But what captivate you the most about this room was the large window that expanded from one end of the wall to the other. The view was impeccable; all you could see were the stars. That moment reminded you of the countless times you would spend on your ship gazing at the stars. The couch underneath that windowsill looked all too inviting, but you had to remind yourself to not get comfortable.

You snapped out of your gaze to the sound of the door sliding open and whipped around to face whomever entered. What stood before you was a tall, silver protocol droid. 

“Good evening, madam. My name is K3TL, I have been requested to prepare you for your meeting with the Supreme Leader. Master Ren welcomes you and hope the room is to your liking.” It spoke and reached it hand towards you to shake. You stare bewildered at the droid for a moment before gently placing your hand on top if its. Its intelligence seems to be far more advanced than any other droid you have encountered. “Your wardrobe has already been provided, but if your garments are not to your liking, my lady, I shall fetch you new ones.”

The droid then walked over to what you were assuming was your closet and opened the door. The wardrobe that was displayed was beautiful, immaculate, fit for a woman of elegance and power. The colors of the garments ranged from black, to dark grey, to deep maroon. You picked up the sleeve of one of them and frowned. Dresses were never a favorite of yours, they could be restricting and you were always more focused on how well you could fight in a dress than how you looked in one.

“I see that you are not pleased, my lady?” You caught the droid shift in the corner of your eye.

“Why must you insist on calling me that?” You fixate on the portion of sleeve that is caught between your fingers. 

“Forgive me, my lady,” the droid stammers, “a lady of your status and title are of the upmost respect to the First Order. It is only customary that we address you as such.”

“You don’t have to. Really, whatever title I have…had can’t be that important anymore.”

“On the contrary, my lady, it is!” You turned your head to the droid. “From what I have gathered in my databases, you are Lady Y/N of House Novastar, first of her name. House Novastar is the ruling family of the planet Votharia. In that case, would make you, my lady, a prin-“

“Enough!” You raised your voice at the droid and a vase that was sitting across the room burst into pieces.

“Oh my!” The droid jumped at the noise. “My lady, please forgive me, I did not mean-“

“Please… just enough.” You sign, take a breath in and let it out. “I would like to wear my own clothing.”

“Ah, certainly!” The droid perked back up. “Master Ren predicted you would, so he brought your personal items from your ship. Your clothes are in these drawers.” The droid lead you to a dresser. You opened it and sure enough, your clothes were there. 

Part of you was looking forward to getting cleaned up. If under any other circumstance, one might say you were excited to shower, but not now. You picked out an outfit to wear and headed towards the fresher. The droid made a step to follow you in but you stopped it in its tracks.

“I can shower by myself.”

“Certainly, my lady, as you wish.” The droid made a beeping noise and the handcuffs that were once binding your hands together are now separated. You can still feel the force-restricting effects they had on you, though.

When the doors to the fresher closed you allowed your shoulders to slump and relax.

_Damn droids. _

You step into the fresher and let the hot water sooth your sore muscles from the fight you had with Ben. You lifted your hand to your left cheek and expected to feel the scabbed over cut from before, but you felt nothing. 

Your mind mulled over the events of today. It was difficult to formulate some sort of escape plan with how little you knew about this spaceship. Until then, you figured it would be best for you to be somewhat compliant, for now.


	8. Chapter 8

_1 Week Ago_

Kylo Ren knelt before the hologram of Snoke in the grand throne room of the Finalizer. He had been tracking your movements for a greater portion of 3 years. Many times he has come close to reaching you, but you would slip away as soon as you felt a threat in the Force. This time he knows you have let your guard down only slightly, this is the longest you’ve stayed on one planet. He could feel your presence growing stronger as he slowly crept up on the planet you currently reside.

“Ren, my apprentice,” the voice of the Supreme Leader echoed throughout the room, “I presume this will be the last of your little cat and mouse game?”

“Yes, Master. Her Force signature is growing stronger as we speak. She is there.” Kylo spoke.

“Oh, take that ridiculous thing off.” Snoke ordered. Kylo hesitated for a moment before releasing the helmet from his head and set it on the ground beside him. “This is your final pursuit, Ren. Fail again, there will not be another attempt. We has utilized many resources and wasted much of our time for some lost Princess.”

“Supreme Leader, the Force is strong within her. Given the opportunity and training we could use her abilities and status to gain more alliances for the First Order.”

“This girl was once under the guidance of Skywalker, was she not? The same as Ben Solo once was, correct?”

“Correct.”

The hologram of Snoke leaned back into the throne he was sitting upon and began to laugh. “I can sense the passion you have for her when you speak. It is of my understanding young Solo and this girl shared a bond.”

Kylo felt a slight heat rise to his cheeks and he clenched his gloved fists together.

“Oh come now, Ren, it isn’t uncommon for young men to feel for another. I expect that sort of passion from you to drive you.”

Kylo was silent.

“I do suspect this girl will be an important asset to the First Order’s reign. However, if she is as powerful as you say she is, there will be challenges to her cooperation. You will take full responsibility for this. You will gain her trust and mold her, break her if you have to, in order to make her comply.” Snoke leaned forward and look Kylo straight in the eyes, “However, do not let the dreams of a dead boy seduce you to the Light.”

“By the grace of your training I will not be seduced.”

“Good. I am eager to hear your reports regarding her capture and capabilities. I will meet with you and the girl via hologram shortly after your arrival back. Do not disappoint me, Ren.”

The hologram disappeared and Kylo was left alone in the throne room.

*****

Kylo found himself once again kneeling in front of the hologram of the Supreme Leader.

“Well, Ren, your mission was a success.” Snoke praised Kylo, but the tone of his voice was amused.

“It was.”

“And the girl… She is everything you have told me?”

“She is. She fought greatly against my men and myself. The Force has grown strong within her.”

“Good. With more training the Force will continue to grow even stronger within her.”

Kylo did not respond further. He knew Snoke was prodding into his mind, he could feel it. The memory of your interrogation came to surface.

“The girl does not remember that night at the Jedi Temple.”

Kylo’s eyes flickered for a moment, he was shocked at the blunt statement Snoke made.

“No.”

“You will make sure it remains that way. Should those memories resurface, your mission may be at risk.”

Kylo reflected on the void segment of your mind he ventured to during your interrogation. The tears that unwillingly flowed from your eyes, your confusion and pain, the desire to fight back but being unable to, he felt it all.

“I understand, Master.”

“Good.” Snoke directed his attention to the guards at the doors. “Bring her in.”

The grand doors to the throne room opened and revealed you followed by four Stormtroopers. You were handcuffed still, and the two troopers behind you aimed their blasters at your back. Kylo mentally smirked at your appearance, how typical of you to be defiant, even regarding what you wear. You wore no emotion in your face.

Kylo tried to read through your mind but was blocked and pushed away by your mental walls. Those walls were becoming more fortified with every step you took closer to the throne. You briefly made eye contact with Kylo as he tried to connect with you and then directed you attention to the throne where another monster sat.

The troopers lead you directly in front of the hologram of Snoke. They turned and exited the throne room in their formation. You could feel your heart beat against your chest, you pushed down the anxiety that threatened to creep up. You could also feel Kylo’s eyes piercing the back of your head. He made another attempt to reach inside your mind but you quickly swat it away.

Inhale.

Exhale.

“So this is Princess Y/N of Votharia.” Your gaze meets the cold eyes of Snoke as they inspect you. “We meet at last. My apprentice Kylo Ren has told me stories of you and your abilities with the Force.”

You mentally cursed Ben, Kylo Ren, whoever he is.

“I’m sorry to inform you, Supreme Leader, my title as ‘princess’ has long been revoked. This leads me to believe I am of no value to you or the First Order.” You somehow found the bravery to form those two sentences. You were caught off guard when Snoke released a chuckle and you were suddenly suspended in air.

“Come closer child.” With a wave of two fingers you were being guided closer to Snoke. His appearance up close was even more revolting. You tried to make your face remain stoic, but you knew you faltered briefly. After a moment you regained your composure.

Snoke suddenly pushed through the barriers of your mind, making you lose composure once more. Your mind felt like it was on fire and ice cold at the same time. His presence was piercing, unrelenting, clawing its way through you. You let out a pained moan, your teeth grinding as you tried to push Snoke away. But you couldn’t.

Kylo watched from below. He remained kneeling, his gaze focused on you the whole time. His jaw tensed as he watched the interaction between you and Snoke.

Snoke let out a dark chuckle as he lowered you back to your previous place on the ground. You had a raging headache and felt dizzy, but you again had to regain your composure.

“Yes, your allegiance will be a great asset to the First Order, dear Princess. Once your people have received word their lost Princess is safe with the First Order, they will have no choice but to join our forces.”

You remained silent. You thought it was hilarious that the words “safe” and “First Order” were being used in the same sentence. You reflected back to your home planet. They had a strong military founding and you remember the weapons trading industry on your planet being exceptionally popular. Your father would always be discussing military tactic and how to improve the latest weaponry. It always fascinated you, but your mother never allowed you to go with him to meetings. Not that your father would want you there anyways.

“Here is my proposal, Princess.” Snoke peered down at you from the throne. “You will stay aboard my ship and train under Kylo Ren to become stronger with the Force. In due time, when you are deemed ready you will accompany Ren on missions to other planets that will need extra… persuasion to join the First Order. In return your planet and its inhabitance will be unharmed.”

“And should I refuse?”

Snoke chuckled again.

“Then I will have no choice than to eliminate your planet, and you will have no choice but to watch.”

A chill ran down your spine. You expected nothing less.

“The choice is yours, Princess.”

Inhale.

Exhale.

You straightened your back and held your head high. “I accept.”

“Good.” Snoke grinned and released the hold of your handcuffs with a swipe of a finger. They clanged to the ground. You rubbed your hands over your sore wrists. “May I remind you, Princess. Should Kylo Ren or I sense any rebellion from you, we will not hesitate to eliminate you as well.”

“So long as my people and I are not threatened by your men, Supreme Leader, you have my allegiance.”

“Yes. You are royalty, and you will be treated as such.” Snoke seemed amused by you. “That is why I have assigned Kylo Ren to protect you and watch over you. In the event he is unable, a squad of Stormtroopers will take his place.”

_Lovely._

“Thank you Supreme Leader, your protection is much appreciated.” You grit your teeth together as you tried to sound as noble as possible.

With that the hologram disappeared and you were left standing in the dark throne room. You could feel Kylo stand and make his way to approach you.

“Don’t.” You hissed. You turned on your heel and stormed to the grand doors of the throne room. A squad of Stormtroopers were already waiting to lead you back to your quarters.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 100+ kudos! You are all amazing!  
I hope you are enjoying the story so far :) In this chapter we see a lot of interaction between reader and Kylo. Enjoy!

You stood at the vast window in your room gazing at the stars. The events that took place mere hours ago were replaying in your head. Over and over and over. The sound of Snoke’s laugh rang in your ears. It gave you chills. You were deep in thought trying to center yourself, you hardly noticed the door to your room open and a figure enter.

“K3TL, I’ve already told you I’m not hung-,” You whipped around to face the individual that entered your room to find multiple objects in your room that had once unknowingly been manipulated by the force to come down with a loud thud. You looked at the fallen objects and then looked up to see _him wearing the damn mask. _You turn back around to the window and speak softly. “Please, leave.”

“I could sense your unease through the Force.” You hated that voice modulator. You could feel him take a couple more steps towards you. 

“Thank you for your concern, Commander Ren, but I am fine.” You knew you were being cold, but you did not want to deal with him right now. Your emotions were too high. What you desperately needed was time to think and space.

“You have a lot on your mind, I can tell.” You felt him take a step closer to you as he subtly tried to reach inside your mind. You immediately put up a barrier to shut him out.

“Stop that.” You were annoyed now. “Trying to peer into my mind without my permission is not making this situation any better. I’ve had enough of that for one day.”

You could feel him immediately back down out of your mind. You took a deep breath as the pressure was relieved. You could feel a dull headache forming around your entire skull from all the stress today has brought.

There was a long pause. Then he spoke.

“Whatever you may want, whatever you may need, the First Order can provide for it.”

“’Whatever you may want.’” You scoffed lightly, your tone was sad yet stern. “Since when has ‘what I want’ actually been taken into consideration?”

He didn’t reply. There was another pause and silence.

“What I really want right now is for you to take off that damn mask.”

You could sense his slight hesitation at your request. But surely enough, you heard the hiss of that damn mask. You turned to face him and was met with those deep brown eyes you once grew fond of. They pierced through you. They always did.

“There. Now I feel like I am talking to _you_, and not the man that tried to murder me in the forest.”

“That was just a test of your abilities. I knew I wouldn’t kill you.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“And how’s that?”

“I knew you wouldn’t let me.”

You scoffed again in amusement. “Under any other circumstance, I would say that it’s nice to see you, Ben.”

He tensed as you said his name.

“Princess Y/N, I told you, that name is irrelevant now. Ben Solo is-“

“’Dead.’ I’ve been made aware.” You faced him head on and took a step forward. “The image of a figure in that mask killing Ben Solo has plagued my dreams for all these years. Now that I know that figure is actually you, I don’t know whether I should be worried or relieved.”

You could see the slightest furrow of his brow as you confessed this. You continued.

“How long have you been looking for me?”

“Three years at least. I know your Force signature very well, it was easy to track at times. But any time you felt the Force warn you, you were gone without a trace.”

“I became too comfortable in my surroundings this time.”

There was a pause. You thought back to all the places you had been to in the past 10 years of being on the run. That forest and town were by far one of your favorite places. The scenery, the people despite what little interaction you had with them, it made you feel content.

“You were planning on staying there.” His voice brought you out of your daydream.

“Perhaps I was.” You glanced out to the stars again. “And now here I am.”

“You were nobody on that planet. Nothing.” Kylo took a couple steps closer to you. You were about to retort but he began speaking again. “Here, with the First Order, you can become something great. You can rule as the heir of Votharia under the Supreme Leader’s guidance. He sees how powerful the Force is within you. He sees your potential, just like he saw mine.”

“Exactly. I became nothing to survive!” You could feel your heart begin to race. “Do you honestly think I would have survived all these years if I had used that title as some sort of security blanket? Imagine the bounties that would’ve been over my head, dead or alive.”

“Now you can rise again as princess and fulfill your purpose, become more powerful than you already are-“

“Enough with that! My title of ‘princess’ was stripped from me when I was sent off to that damn Jedi academy! You know this!” You could feel yourself beginning to tremble, but you couldn’t control it. You faced Kylo directly. Tears that started forming in your eyes threatened to spill. “My parents thought I was a _freak_! I was raised by nursing droids because my own mother was too afraid of what her daughter might do to her! My father didn’t even believe I was his own child, he outcast me, and only showed me to the public when he deemed fit!”

Kylo watched as the Force shifted within you. He could sense your anger, despair, and loneliness. The objects in your room began to shake and Kylo could see the formation of gold flecks in your eyes. All you could see was red. Memories of your childhood flooded your mind as the emotions overcame your body. A vase holding a beautiful array of flowers suddenly shattered and the flowers fell to the floor.

“I can’t be that princess, Ben. I can’t go back to that.” You looked at him with tears streaming down your face unbeknownst to you. “Being treated like I was nothing, I-I can’t-“

Kylo stepped closer to you and cupped the sides of your face with his gloved hands. You felt a sense of calm when he touched you. Your breathing and heart rate began coming back to normal and the objects within the room stopped quaking as you did, as well.

“You are not nothing. Not to me.” Kylo spoke in a low and soft voice. “You are still a princess regardless, and you will be treated as one here. But you can overcome them, prove them wrong. I can help you balance the Force within you, you only need to allow me.”

You put your right hand over his left hand still holding your face and lean into his touch. The tears wouldn’t stop. You nodded.

“I’m sorry.” You said weakly. You turned around so your back was to Kylo and gazed at the stars once more. You wiped away your tears. You hated showing weakness, especially in this setting and circumstance.

There was a beat. Kylo remained behind you, observing you.

“I was surprised that you took the Supreme Leader’s offer so easily.” You could tell he was testing the waters with this statement. He didn’t want to upset you further so he approached the subject as lightly as her could.

“What else was I supposed to do?” You looked into the vast expanse of space, your arms wrapped around your middle. “I may not have been active as their princess, but they are still my people. Innocent people. I wasn’t going to allow millions of people to die because of my selfishness or stupidity.”

“You made the right decision.”

“I hope so… I am doing this solely for the benefit of my people, you should know that.”

A beat. “I know.”

You remained silent for a moment and wondered if the next sentence you were about to say you would immediately regret.

“What happened that night at the temple?” You said lightly. You felt Kylo tense behind you, but he said nothing. "I’ve had countless dreams, nightmares. They seem to be like fragments of memories, but I can’t piece them together coherently. All this time I thought you were dead. So now I can’t tell what is real and what’s not.”

Another beat. “The incident at the temple is of no importance to us now. It’s best that we let the past die.”

You look over your shoulder at Kylo. Confusion written across your face as you try to search his for answers. He was as stoic and as difficult to read as ever. Your head began to develop a dull throb, you broke eye contact and began to rub your temple.

“It’s best that you retire for the night, princess.” Kylo’s tone and demeanor turned cold. “We begin training in two days.”

You nodded.

Kylo turned on his heel and made his way towards the door as he reapplied his mask.

“Kylo.” You called out to him before he could exit the room. He stopped in his tracks and turned his mask to the side in acknowledgement. “In here, please, just call me Y/N.”

Kylo was taken back how soft your voice became. He gave a slight nod and exited the room, his cape following behind him. 


End file.
